I am midnight drunk by noon
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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