im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
