Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
