I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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