Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
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That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?