He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
