office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.