ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
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Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
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This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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