i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
