I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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