A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
