I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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