Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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