Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
