THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
