Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
