Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
