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Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
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