Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
