so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
