Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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