Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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