walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
