I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
