I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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