no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
