I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
They have beer where we have blood.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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