to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
