Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
