is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
