I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
