areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
