Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dear god my vagina.
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