What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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