It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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