Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
