After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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