don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
