Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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