I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
