He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
