I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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