i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
