They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
