I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
