that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
His nipple licking is glorious
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