I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
