He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
