went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
