Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
