i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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