So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
