she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
how drunk are you?
Several
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
