my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize