so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
