She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
