Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
