Soap is not a condiment
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
