Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
