she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
