It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
