I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
