We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
