So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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