she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So squirting runs in the family.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
