dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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