Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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