Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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