I just cut my nipple shaving
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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