I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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