Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
