all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
