is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
