Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
