He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
