boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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