if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize