I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
