she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
